【極品老婆】
1、我對老婆說：“老婆，我很久都沒有那種心驚肉跳的感覺了。”
第二天老婆帶我逛了珠寶首飾店......
第二天老婆帶我逛了珠寶首飾店......
2、今天看老婆殺魚笨手笨腳的樣子想羞辱他一下，就問：你和豬什麼關係啊？
誰知她扭過頭回：夫妻關係...
誰知她扭過頭回：夫妻關係...
3、我和老婆鬧彆扭，就在小房間睡覺。她拿把大剪刀給我的蚊帳剪了個大口子，說：讓蚊子咬死你！
過了大概一個小時，老婆拿著透明膠來了，把剛剛剪壞的蚊帳黏在一起了！
我的心啊，這個感動的啊，心想老婆就是刀子嘴豆腐心，還是很心疼自己的！
我剛要說什麼，她自言自語：蚊子進去的差不多的了，別讓他們跑了。
過了大概一個小時，老婆拿著透明膠來了，把剛剛剪壞的蚊帳黏在一起了！
我的心啊，這個感動的啊，心想老婆就是刀子嘴豆腐心，還是很心疼自己的！
我剛要說什麼，她自言自語：蚊子進去的差不多的了，別讓他們跑了。
4、晚上老婆說要分擔家務，就問我：洗碗跟拖地你選哪個？我說洗碗。
洗完碗後老婆又問：洗小孩跟拖地你選哪個？我說拖地。
拖完地老婆又問：洗衣服和洗小孩你選哪個？我說洗小孩。
洗完小孩老婆又問我：洗衣服帶小孩睡覺你選哪個？我說洗衣服。
洗完衣服看到老婆和孩子睡著了，我忽然覺得好像哪里不對.....
洗完碗後老婆又問：洗小孩跟拖地你選哪個？我說拖地。
拖完地老婆又問：洗衣服和洗小孩你選哪個？我說洗小孩。
洗完小孩老婆又問我：洗衣服帶小孩睡覺你選哪個？我說洗衣服。
洗完衣服看到老婆和孩子睡著了，我忽然覺得好像哪里不對.....
5、一天，正當我埋頭看報紙，老婆忽然說我應該去配一副眼鏡了。
天天電腦、電視，這眼睛還真是有點近視了，看來妻子對我是越來越體貼了，想到裏，頓時一股暖流湧上心頭。
天天電腦、電視，這眼睛還真是有點近視了，看來妻子對我是越來越體貼了，想到裏，頓時一股暖流湧上心頭。
我說：“準備明天有空的時候去眼鏡店對一下視力表。”
老婆立刻表示：“現在她就可以給我測試一下視力。
”她往門角一指，問：“你看到了什麼？”
我答：“一個塑膠袋子。”
“什麼顏色的？”
“紅色的。”
“幹什麼用的？”
“裝垃圾用的。”
“是空的還是滿的？”
“滿的。”
“視力很好嘛，可為啥每次你出門，經過這個裝得滿滿的垃圾袋子，卻總是視而不見。我還以為你近視了呢！”
我…
老婆立刻表示：“現在她就可以給我測試一下視力。
”她往門角一指，問：“你看到了什麼？”
我答：“一個塑膠袋子。”
“什麼顏色的？”
“紅色的。”
“幹什麼用的？”
“裝垃圾用的。”
“是空的還是滿的？”
“滿的。”
“視力很好嘛，可為啥每次你出門，經過這個裝得滿滿的垃圾袋子，卻總是視而不見。我還以為你近視了呢！”
我…
６、丈夫：“謝謝你在鄰居面前誇我有才華。”
妻子說：“你要錢沒錢，要貌沒貌，要地位沒地位，我要不說你有才華，別人還不得罵我傻啊。
妻子說：“你要錢沒錢，要貌沒貌，要地位沒地位，我要不說你有才華，別人還不得罵我傻啊。
Letv Log(乐视播放器日志)
Date:2015-5-10 21:31:5
Date:2015-5-10 21:31:5
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[1 2015-5-10 21:23:55 info] Load Config Complete None
[2 2015-5-10 21:23:57 info] [object PluginProxy] onWholeComplete Length 2
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[6 2015-5-10 21:23:57 info] Kernel.setConfig
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[8 2015-5-10 21:23:57 info] Kernel.setAuth
[9 2015-5-10 21:23:57 warn] Kernel.closeVideo Invalid
[10 2015-5-10 21:23:57 info] [User Data] null null null null
[11 2015-5-10 21:23:57 info] Local Time: 1431264237625
[12 2015-5-10 21:23:57 info] Local Time: 1431264237625
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[14 2015-5-10 21:23:58 info] [object IDTransfer] LoadComplete
[15 2015-5-10 21:23:58 info] [object AuthController] onTransferSuccess
[16 2015-5-10 21:23:58 info] ServicePayList free:350,1000,1300,k4,yuanhua,720p vip:1080p
[17 2015-5-10 21:23:58 info] [object AuthController] onAuthOver Slient false---pre:false
[18 2015-5-10 21:23:58 info] Kernel.onAuthValid
[19 2015-5-10 21:23:58 info] [object CookieControl] SetCookie ReadData ID 21542962
[20 2015-5-10 21:23:58 info] Kernel.getAutoDefinition Speed 1209
[21 2015-5-10 21:23:58 info] Cookie.RecordTime 0
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[23 2015-5-10 21:23:58 info] [object AdMediator] PlayHeadAd [object Ad]
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[27 2015-5-10 21:24:7 info] Kernel.loadAndPlay AutoPlay false
[28 2015-5-10 21:24:7 warn] Kernel.closeVideo Invalid
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[32 2015-5-10 21:24:7 info] [object Gslb] Complete usep2p: true forcegslb: 10800
[33 2015-5-10 21:24:7 info] [0] Definition:350 gone:829 playlevel:4 location:http://113.105.170.132/111/25/97/letv-uts/14/ver_00_22-311523727-avc-229955-aac-32002-2680760-90779564-0185c3215d3d9c56f811249528f3227e-1425686928738.m3u8?crypt=2aa7f2e59&b=270&nlh=3072&nlt=45&bf=18&p2p=1&video_type=mp4&termid=1&tss=ios&geo=TW-0-0-127&platid=1&splatid=101&its=0&keyitem=platid,splatid,its&ntm=1431275400&nkey=3cf1fc5e9f920c719325bb97f5af8ba9&nkey2=1a2c44f168e70910f6586dcd1dba9217&proxy=2031020036,236027780,1032384074&mmsid=25645812&tm=1431264232&key=bf229f6bae1515bcd4d00c13e604e2b3&playid=0&vtype=21&cvid=8773638664&payff=0&ctv=pc&m3v=1&hwtype=un&ostype=WindowsXP&tag=letv&sign=letv&p1=1&p2=10&p3=-&tn=0.5496484930627048&pay=0&uuid=FA35E80CE5BA6769B9CC29F51C970D6CE9ED218E&rateid=350&errc=0&gn=829&buss=100&qos=3&cips=114.43.149.1
[34 2015-5-10 21:24:7 info] [1] Definition:350 gone:1049 playlevel:2 location:http://115.238.246.28/111/25/97/letv-uts/14/ver_00_22-311523727-avc-229955-aac-32002-2680760-90779564-0185c3215d3d9c56f811249528f3227e-1425686928738.m3u8?crypt=2aa7f2e91&b=270&nlh=3072&nlt=45&bf=27&p2p=1&video_type=mp4&termid=1&tss=ios&geo=TW-0-0-127&platid=1&splatid=101&its=0&keyitem=platid,splatid,its&ntm=1431275400&nkey=3cf1fc5e9f920c719325bb97f5af8ba9&nkey2=1a2c44f168e70910f6586dcd1dba9217&proxy=2061787278,1944538765,1032384074&mmsid=25645812&tm=1431264232&key=bf229f6bae1515bcd4d00c13e604e2b3&playid=0&vtype=21&cvid=8773638664&payff=0&ctv=pc&m3v=1&hwtype=un&ostype=WindowsXP&tag=letv&sign=letv&p1=1&p2=10&p3=-&tn=0.5496484930627048&pay=0&uuid=FA35E80CE5BA6769B9CC29F51C970D6CE9ED218E&rateid=350&errc=0&gn=1049&buss=100&qos=3&cips=114.43.149.1
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[40 2015-5-10 21:24:10 error] 设置广告剩余时间:30
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[61 2015-5-10 21:27:39 info] [Stat] http://dc.letv.com/pl/?ver=2.0&ac=time&err=0&ut=-&ap=1&p1=1&p2=10&p3=-&lc=361897b4b061c3820dee369602ac381b&uid=-&uuid=FA35E80CE5BA6769B9CC29F51C970D6CE9ED218E&auid=-&cid=2&pid=96146&vid=21542962&vlen=2680&ch=letv&ty=0&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.letv.com%2Fptv%2Fvplay%2F21542962.html%23vid%3D21542962&ref=-&pv=Code%3AAlex_LETV_4.2.4&st=-&ilu=1&pcode=-&pt=180&weid=14312642305806983657&vt=21&prg=303&py=-&r=0.5703702140599489
[62 2015-5-10 21:30:39 info] [Stat] http://dc.letv.com/pl/?ver=2.0&ac=time&err=0&ut=-&ap=1&p1=1&p2=10&p3=-&lc=361897b4b061c3820dee369602ac381b&uid=-&uuid=FA35E80CE5BA6769B9CC29F51C970D6CE9ED218E&auid=-&cid=2&pid=96146&vid=21542962&vlen=2680&ch=letv&ty=0&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.letv.com%2Fptv%2Fvplay%2F21542962.html%23vid%3D21542962&ref=-&pv=Code%3AAlex_LETV_4.2.4&st=-&ilu=1&pcode=-&pt=180&weid=14312642305806983657&vt=21&prg=483&py=-&r=0.7914638980291784
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